So many families I serve come in and say they want a cremation. It may be for the cost (about .48 on the dollar compared to burial on average), or that this seems to be trending like a viral YouTube video, or a myriad of other reasons. My mantra is to do what the family wants as long as it's not illegal, immoral or unethical so needless to say, I'm on board with cremation. Here's some factual information on cremation:
1) Cremation is now accepted by the Roman Catholic Church however, they prefer the body be brought in to church first (at least in my diocese) and the cremation performed afterward. Once you have the cremated remains back, they are to be buried or placed in a columbarium niche or mausoleum (aka hallowed ground) and not to be retained on the mantel.
2) Cremation does in about 3 hours what a ground burial does over several decades.
3) There is no need for embalming (in CT) if you are going to be cremated unless you're having an open casket public viewing first.
4) Cremation can't take place in CT for a full 48 hours after the death. This is primarily in case any medical or legal questions arises as cremation is a "final disposition" and evidence of any wrongdoing is gone forever forensically speaking anyway.
5) There is no legal requirement for an urn. And if you want an urn, you can use anything for an urn as there is no legal requirement for the vessel. For example, there was an older woman who was known for her chocolate/peanut butter chip cookies. When she was cremated, we used her cookie jar as the urn. Similarly, a gentleman was big into motorcycle riding and doing his own airbrush artwork. With his girlfriend's permission we used the gas tank from his motorcycle that he did all his latest artwork on as his urn. Let your imagination run with this. Just know that if you are placing all of the cremated remains in one container, you'll need it to be able to hold about 190 to 210 cubic inches in volume.
6) Many believe "cremation" means burning a body to ashes and giving those ashes to someone to take custody of and that's that. All she wrote. The end. However, there are many many options.
- cremation allows people time to have services. In today's society, family and friends are scattered about the country, heck - the globe. Cremation renders the remains sanitary and inert and with no public health concern thereafter, the services can be delayed for weeks or months if you wish.
- cremation can be a hybrid of "traditional" funeral services and cremation services. For example; you could have open casket public viewing (calling hours / visitation) have a funeral service in the funeral home the next day or same day as the calling hours with cremation to occur a day or two after with the family retaining the cremated remains or having a public or private burial thereafter.
- cremation can be done and you can have a Memorial Service either with or without the cremated remains present based on your timeline for when you want to have the service(s) and when the cremation can actually take place. Many times there is an urn (sometimes with and sometimes without cremated remains contained therein as the family requests), a picture and possible personal memorabilia about that person for the funeral home service or calling hours.
- cremation can be an immediate disposal. That is, cremation with no services, no burial, no nothing. Just take care of the legal paperwork, transport the person to and from the crematory and give the cremated remains to family or friends and be done with it.
On the later, I can't begin to tell you how many times the family said, "That was all he/.she wanted". My response is typically, "Do what you want. It's not about them any longer. They are in the place they believed they would be after they died. It's the family that now has to deal with and cope with the loss and most find some sort of funeral or memorial service therapeutic,
It doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't have to be expensive. But sometimes, it just has to be....for you, the surviving spouse, brother, child, friend etc...
Please have at least a frank conversation with family/friends to let you wishes be known. Cremation or burial as that's the first hurdle. I'll be doing a segment on prearranging and the plethora of benefits of doing that in later blogs. I hope you will join me and be an informed consumer of funeral goods and services.
