Holiday grief

Hello my friends.
The process of grieving and bereavement is different for everyone.  As much as the published psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers and self-help writers "mainstream" that process for ease of understanding in their myriad of books, their diagnosis' are impersonal.  While I don't know you, the reader, any more than those authors, I have a few personal opinions and observations I would like to share.
Everyone goes through this process differently.  The 5-stages of grieving and bereavement don't always go in order, don't always last for the same duration in each stage, and isn't miraculously "done" on the one year anniversary after a loved one's death.  Some process things faster and some slower.  I guess what I'm saying it not to let people paint you into a corner telling you when you should move from stage to stage on a timeline or which stage you should be in at any specific time.  That being said, I have one general offering I make to all the families I serve.  If you find yourself "stuck" in any phase (no matter what order they come in) and it effects your physical health, relationship with others, or work, seek professional counselling.  If none of those are going on and someone offers you their off the cuff remarks of "get over it" or "you should be passed that by now", tell them where they can put their diagnosis.

"Holiday grief" can be Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Thanksgiving, the deceased's birthday, an anniversary or any other calendar event that held a special meaning between the deceased and the person feeling the grief.  You are NOT limited to only have ill feelings on the first of all those holidays again being painted into a corner where society says you must be "over it" after the firsts of each anniversary.  Ridiculous!  Again I say, melancholy is ok during these times specifically and if anyone doesn't like that, too bad.  I must add however, if the effects are such that you can't perform your day to day routines or have feelings of suicide, harming others, or great dispair, seek professional help immediately.

Grieving and bereavement is a journey, much like life, and not a destination.  Private counseling can be costly but there's still hope.  There's always hope!  Hospices have great services.  Many families I've served have used the services of Hospice of South East Connecticut, Southeast Mental Health Authority, Reliance House, church clergy, Backus Hospital Mental Health Clinic etc. with success.

Don't go it alone but don't think one size fits all with your emotions.

May you be able to enjoy your holiday, whatever you celebrate, knowing this journey through that dark place does in fact get better....to everyone at their own time.  I wish you well.