Sunday, May 26, 2013

Funeral Directors Feelings

I've had people say, "You must be immune" to me when discussing feelings towards peoples death.  I can assure you, nothing can be further from the truth.  I speak for me and many colleagues I've had this frank conversation with.

True, we get hardened somewhat to varying degrees.  True, we are layers apart from the families we are working with dealing with the death of their loved one whom they have known and been close with since conception through several decades.  I never pretend to know what the family is dealing with or feeling.  I am not in their shoes.  I don't know and to simply supply mouth service here, I feel, is a disservice to the family.  I did not have that relationship with the person who died.

Still, being an active listener, connecting with my families (yes I refer to families I meet with and handle funerals for their loved ones as "my family"), I do become attached.  Sometimes I am so touched by stories I share tears with my families.  Sometimes I enjoy their stories so much I feel somehow cheated for not having known the deceased prior to their death.  And at times I laugh with families sharing humorous stories or  anecdotes of their loved one.

There is that layer that remains however which is what allows me to maintain my professionalism and orchestrate and perform the services without being overwhelmed emotionally like true family members would be.

This is where I can comment about my general statement you see in the right column of this page.  I don't take the title "director" in funeral director too much to heart.  I want to be a funeral "guide" helping people down a path they don't want to take to make certain they come out at the end of the trip in a place as good as we can possibly get it . . . together.  Thankfully, people don't have to plan and organize all of the intricate details for funerals every day.  That's where we as funeral service professionals come in.

Yes, the job can be emotionally draining but when the services are completed and I get a hug along with a "thank you" from the family....to me, that's what makes it all worth it.  That's better than a paycheck to me but please don't tell my boss.  ;-)

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