Again with the apologies about how long its been since I blogged concerning the funeral industry and my involvement and feelings about it. This short portion will be about what I've seen over the past couple of years as a trend.
This trend it mostly driven by the economy, I believe. Its official title is "direct cremation". Basically, a cremation with NO services. If this is what you have to do for financial reasons, I get it but please let me offer some suggestions. Don't just let your last thought about that loved one be what you saw after months or years enduring a disease and wasting away in a convalescent home. You can go inexpensive at a funeral home and still memorialize someone.
Granted, as a funeral director trying to make money for my home and myself (hey - that's reality) it is probably considered counter intuitive for me to be blogging about this but I hold true to this being more a "ministry" for me. A "calling" if you will.
Like it or not, we were trained or "conditioned" in our ways of grieving. It is cultural, it is social, it is ingrained in us. We process our grief the way we were taught from the time we were young. Ask yourself...how old was I when I went to my first funeral? Was there a body in a casket? Was the casket closed or open? Was there an urn with a photo near it? Was there any urn at all or maybe just a photo or picture board? Then of those, ask which one of those scenarios you attended the most over the years and that is your training. That helped you manage how you got through that time. No matter which one of these you identified with, I'll be willing to bet you didn't answer something like, "when my ___________ died, we did nothing."
So how do we do things on a shoestring budget and still get the conditioned response we're used to? Don't change it? If you have to modify it, try to keep some part of it the same.
Example: If you're used to open casket viewing calling hours and so on... modify it to a closed casket (even if there is an urn with cremated remains inside). This will save you money (rental caskets available at most funeral facilities) and cremation is much less expensive than full service traditional burial.
Example: If your used to calling hours the night before, coming back to the funeral home the next morning, going in procession to church, then procession to a cemetery try having everything on the same day instead. Maybe a calling hour at the funeral home then to the church then cemetery. OR, Just a church service, then the cemetery. This too is less expensive.
Your funeral director should be able to work with you at modifying the funeral experience so as to minimally deviate from your "norm" and still save money.
I don't think in any of the scenarios any funeral director will come up with will he or she say, "just cremate and forget about it." Its ingrained in our lives to mourn, grieve and pay tribute... one last time. Do it in a way as unique as the life lived because no two people live their life exactly the same.
God bless.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Pre-need basics
So you have life insurance so you don't need to have pre-need funeral coverage.
Check your state but in Connecticut, if you have a sizable life insurance policy and end up having to go on long-term care / Title 19, you will be forced to surrender it because it's an asset. Of course when you "cash out" of a life insurance prematurely you also take a financial hit which the insurance industry more politically correctly calls a "fee" and sometimes is bold enough to call a "penalty". No matter how you word it, you lose money. YOUR money.
I hear my life insurance is assignable. (Meaning your beneficiary(ies) can have it pay for the funeral directly without any out of pocket expense provided the policy amount covers the funeral bill)
Yes. This is true. However, refer to the first paragraph regarding Title 19. Additionally, there are other added bonuses to electing to have a pre-need at most funeral homes. Those are -
Your money is held by a third party and insured like money in the bank in case something happens to your funeral home of choice in between the time you sign your pre-need contract and the time of death.
Also, in most cases (including the homes I work at), all the funeral home costs of goods and services are price protected f-o-r-e-v-e-r. That is, if you purchase a casket today for $1,000 and don't require one for another 75 years, you get that or a casket of similar materials, quality etc., for $1,000. Funeral home goods and services are their professional services charge, transfer from the place of death to the funeral home, embalming, dressing/casketing, calling hours, use of chapel or staff to attend and coordinate a funeral service off premises, register book, prayer cards, outer burial container aka. vault at the cemetery and many more charges.
In the olden days, many directors would put your money in certificates of deposit and hope that the interest rate covered the inflationary rate. If it didn't, you would simply owe more when the time came. To me, that doesn't give piece of mind.
So what's not covered in your price protection?
Glad you asked. Anything that we have to pay out on your behalf and therefore have no control over the costs of is not covered. Examples are: obituary costs, grave opening, certified copies of the death certificate, clergy, organist/soloist, church charges, cemetery sexton charges, medical examiner's fee etc. You can put money away in the pre-need contract to help offset those charges when the time comes but we can't tell other agencies what they have to charge us or you. We just make those payments out of the funeral fund at no added expense to you, the family, so you don't have to walk around with a checkbook writing checks to a multitude of places or providing credit card numbers all over the place.
Once I write this stuff down and sign it, no one can change it.....right?
Wrong.
Your loved ones may modify it however they see fit at the time of need. Additionally there is a legal line of kindred so someone you may not want making those decisions on your behalf may have the law on their side. BUT....what you can do, is simply fill out a notarized legal form designating someone with a backup someone who you think will carry out your wishes. That form supersedes the legal line of kindred. Of course, in the litigious society in which we live, nothing is "bullet proof" and processes may be dragged out through court but at least doing this ahead of time will give you and the person(s) you designate, a leg up during that process if it comes to it.
More to come in another post at a later time. I just like to put out little bits to chew on at any one time because there is just so much to learn, know and prepare for, if I did it all in one huge document you may feel overwhelmed.
I hope you all enjoy these little tidbits I put out and again, remember to go to the funeral home(s) you are considering and look them over. Meet the directors and support staff. Talk with them. If you're not comfortable, go somewhere else. Don't just go somewhere cause that's where you always went. Go somewhere you are comfortable and confident in. Go in with the attitude that this is all about YOU because..... it is!
Check your state but in Connecticut, if you have a sizable life insurance policy and end up having to go on long-term care / Title 19, you will be forced to surrender it because it's an asset. Of course when you "cash out" of a life insurance prematurely you also take a financial hit which the insurance industry more politically correctly calls a "fee" and sometimes is bold enough to call a "penalty". No matter how you word it, you lose money. YOUR money.
I hear my life insurance is assignable. (Meaning your beneficiary(ies) can have it pay for the funeral directly without any out of pocket expense provided the policy amount covers the funeral bill)
Yes. This is true. However, refer to the first paragraph regarding Title 19. Additionally, there are other added bonuses to electing to have a pre-need at most funeral homes. Those are -
Your money is held by a third party and insured like money in the bank in case something happens to your funeral home of choice in between the time you sign your pre-need contract and the time of death.
Also, in most cases (including the homes I work at), all the funeral home costs of goods and services are price protected f-o-r-e-v-e-r. That is, if you purchase a casket today for $1,000 and don't require one for another 75 years, you get that or a casket of similar materials, quality etc., for $1,000. Funeral home goods and services are their professional services charge, transfer from the place of death to the funeral home, embalming, dressing/casketing, calling hours, use of chapel or staff to attend and coordinate a funeral service off premises, register book, prayer cards, outer burial container aka. vault at the cemetery and many more charges.
In the olden days, many directors would put your money in certificates of deposit and hope that the interest rate covered the inflationary rate. If it didn't, you would simply owe more when the time came. To me, that doesn't give piece of mind.
So what's not covered in your price protection?
Glad you asked. Anything that we have to pay out on your behalf and therefore have no control over the costs of is not covered. Examples are: obituary costs, grave opening, certified copies of the death certificate, clergy, organist/soloist, church charges, cemetery sexton charges, medical examiner's fee etc. You can put money away in the pre-need contract to help offset those charges when the time comes but we can't tell other agencies what they have to charge us or you. We just make those payments out of the funeral fund at no added expense to you, the family, so you don't have to walk around with a checkbook writing checks to a multitude of places or providing credit card numbers all over the place.
Once I write this stuff down and sign it, no one can change it.....right?
Wrong.
Your loved ones may modify it however they see fit at the time of need. Additionally there is a legal line of kindred so someone you may not want making those decisions on your behalf may have the law on their side. BUT....what you can do, is simply fill out a notarized legal form designating someone with a backup someone who you think will carry out your wishes. That form supersedes the legal line of kindred. Of course, in the litigious society in which we live, nothing is "bullet proof" and processes may be dragged out through court but at least doing this ahead of time will give you and the person(s) you designate, a leg up during that process if it comes to it.
More to come in another post at a later time. I just like to put out little bits to chew on at any one time because there is just so much to learn, know and prepare for, if I did it all in one huge document you may feel overwhelmed.
I hope you all enjoy these little tidbits I put out and again, remember to go to the funeral home(s) you are considering and look them over. Meet the directors and support staff. Talk with them. If you're not comfortable, go somewhere else. Don't just go somewhere cause that's where you always went. Go somewhere you are comfortable and confident in. Go in with the attitude that this is all about YOU because..... it is!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Prearranging a funeral
WOW! It's been a long time since I've written. I apologize for leaving you hanging. Work has been very busy and I focus 100% on my families I serve and write when I have time after they are served to the best of my abilities.
Many have told me they haven't prearranged because it "freaks them out" or they just don't want to think about it or face their own mortality. I totally get that. When I went to mortuary school I had to write my own pre-planned funeral arrangements including my obituary, pick out music for the service, select a casket, vault, purchase cemetery property etc. It was in fact, uncomfortable. But like I said previously, we prepare for what MAY happen and get insurance just in case, we fail to prepare for the inevitable.
In the "old days", funeral homes would take your money and chase banks locally to try to find the best rate of return, deposit your money to hold for you and hope the interest rates would cover inflationary rates when the need came. Well interest rates aren't what they used to be and many are finding their family still has to pony up significant cash at the time.
What some funeral homes (the ones I work for included) do is put your money into insurance AND price guarantee the funeral home costs f-o-r-e-v-e-r. So your $1700 casket today will be sold to your family at the time of need for....you guessed it, $1700. The basic professional service fees, embalming, hearse, vault, calling hours and so much more...all price guaranteed. What's not price guaranteed? Outside costs. They are what other entities or people charge the funeral home. Examples are obituaries, certified copies of the death certificate, clergy, musicians etc. In some cases this could also include the crematory cost however, with the funeral homes I work at, we own our own crematory so that would be a fixed cost and price guaranteed forever.
Funeral homes, for the most part, want to be paid in full by the date of service. Some may offer payment plans with interest. Pre-arranging allows you to enter into a payment plan in most cases which makes things more manageable when spread over 1, 3, 5 or more years.
Based on this simple information you can see how this would benefit you, your family, and or your estate substantially. Price protecting and locking in today's prices forever! It is said that funeral costs double every 8 to 10 years. Here's a great way to keep costs in check, make sure your wishes are adhered to, appoint someone to handle your arrangements outside of the legal next of kin listed by the state, pre-authorize your own cremation if you wish and so many more advantages people don't think of because they simply don't want to.
This is a reality for all of us that once met and handled takes an underlying burden off of many.
The next tidbit I offer will be to answer those who say, "But I already have life insurance."
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Introduction to Pre-arranging a funeral
Hello again ~ so many people I've gotten to speak with over the years concerning pre-arranging or pre-planning with regards to a funeral believe that means you're going to die. To which I reply, "uhhhh yeah." Maybe my viewpoint is a bit jaded because I'm in the business but here's my analogy -
You purchase insurance for your car IN CASE you get in an accident...but most people don't.
You purchase insurance for your home IN CASE of fire....but most homes never experience a fire.
You purchase renters insurance for your apartment IN CASE something happens to your "stuff" but most times nothing does happen to it.
You take all those precautions against things that may, in fact most likely WON'T occur yet when it comes to pre-planning for your or a loved one's funeral you don't and yet that is the only one of these topics that is a "when" and not an "if". We all die.
True it is not a pleasant thing to ponder yet it protects your family/loved ones, friends or whoever is left to make the final arrangements when the time actually comes. There is a plethora of information that needs to be gathered and in short order once a death has occurred. There's even more decisions that have to be made; burial versus cremation, if cremation will remains be scattered, buried, kept on a shelf, if burial is there cemetery property, will military honors be rendered, where are those discharge papers again, do I want a religious service, will the service be at a church - synagogue - or at the funeral home, what do you mean you need the deceased's mother's maiden name, how about a register book and prayer cards for the visitation - there's only 175 verses to select from and about 35 different card variations, flowers, donations to where in lieu of flowers, will you have calling hours/viewing or just funeral service or possibly just a simple graveside service, and so so so many more things to consider all topped off with payment due by the date of service which is typically anywhere from 2 days to a week. That's a short amount of time to come up with $2000 to $12000 in this region for the wide range of most standard services from simple cremation to semi-elaborate burial.
Now I'm not trying to scare you here, just to be frank and make you think. Taking these steps allows you to price shop around, see the funeral home ahead of time, see if you fit with the philosophy of the director(s), if they'll adhere to your wishes etc. The days of just going to the same funeral home you used for great great gramma are over. You should go where everything seems to come together and "fit" the way you want. Where you're not pressured. Where you're comfortable. Don't let tradition trump the best service at the best price where you're offered the best protection just because it's always been done at that place. No funeral home should ever rest on their laurels because that's when things get lackadaisical and well, things get "cookie cutter" as everyone is in a rut doing everything the same just because no one wants to think independently or be creative in making a funeral as unique as the life lived.
With all this being said, I will let you know I'm preparing to write a series on pre-planning. Again, refer to my disclaimer in the right hand column. These views are my own but I am compelled to share them and give you as much information as possible because knowledge is power and I want all the readers of this blog to be empowered. No matter what funeral home you use, I want you to feel well served, protected and comfortable in your choices.
Be well and I'll return in a few days to provide more pointed information after you've had time to think about these things I've written of in this component of pre-arranging/pre-planning.
You purchase insurance for your car IN CASE you get in an accident...but most people don't.
You purchase insurance for your home IN CASE of fire....but most homes never experience a fire.
You purchase renters insurance for your apartment IN CASE something happens to your "stuff" but most times nothing does happen to it.
You take all those precautions against things that may, in fact most likely WON'T occur yet when it comes to pre-planning for your or a loved one's funeral you don't and yet that is the only one of these topics that is a "when" and not an "if". We all die.
True it is not a pleasant thing to ponder yet it protects your family/loved ones, friends or whoever is left to make the final arrangements when the time actually comes. There is a plethora of information that needs to be gathered and in short order once a death has occurred. There's even more decisions that have to be made; burial versus cremation, if cremation will remains be scattered, buried, kept on a shelf, if burial is there cemetery property, will military honors be rendered, where are those discharge papers again, do I want a religious service, will the service be at a church - synagogue - or at the funeral home, what do you mean you need the deceased's mother's maiden name, how about a register book and prayer cards for the visitation - there's only 175 verses to select from and about 35 different card variations, flowers, donations to where in lieu of flowers, will you have calling hours/viewing or just funeral service or possibly just a simple graveside service, and so so so many more things to consider all topped off with payment due by the date of service which is typically anywhere from 2 days to a week. That's a short amount of time to come up with $2000 to $12000 in this region for the wide range of most standard services from simple cremation to semi-elaborate burial.
Now I'm not trying to scare you here, just to be frank and make you think. Taking these steps allows you to price shop around, see the funeral home ahead of time, see if you fit with the philosophy of the director(s), if they'll adhere to your wishes etc. The days of just going to the same funeral home you used for great great gramma are over. You should go where everything seems to come together and "fit" the way you want. Where you're not pressured. Where you're comfortable. Don't let tradition trump the best service at the best price where you're offered the best protection just because it's always been done at that place. No funeral home should ever rest on their laurels because that's when things get lackadaisical and well, things get "cookie cutter" as everyone is in a rut doing everything the same just because no one wants to think independently or be creative in making a funeral as unique as the life lived.
With all this being said, I will let you know I'm preparing to write a series on pre-planning. Again, refer to my disclaimer in the right hand column. These views are my own but I am compelled to share them and give you as much information as possible because knowledge is power and I want all the readers of this blog to be empowered. No matter what funeral home you use, I want you to feel well served, protected and comfortable in your choices.
Be well and I'll return in a few days to provide more pointed information after you've had time to think about these things I've written of in this component of pre-arranging/pre-planning.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Funeral Directors Feelings
I've had people say, "You must be immune" to me when discussing feelings towards peoples death. I can assure you, nothing can be further from the truth. I speak for me and many colleagues I've had this frank conversation with.
True, we get hardened somewhat to varying degrees. True, we are layers apart from the families we are working with dealing with the death of their loved one whom they have known and been close with since conception through several decades. I never pretend to know what the family is dealing with or feeling. I am not in their shoes. I don't know and to simply supply mouth service here, I feel, is a disservice to the family. I did not have that relationship with the person who died.
Still, being an active listener, connecting with my families (yes I refer to families I meet with and handle funerals for their loved ones as "my family"), I do become attached. Sometimes I am so touched by stories I share tears with my families. Sometimes I enjoy their stories so much I feel somehow cheated for not having known the deceased prior to their death. And at times I laugh with families sharing humorous stories or anecdotes of their loved one.
There is that layer that remains however which is what allows me to maintain my professionalism and orchestrate and perform the services without being overwhelmed emotionally like true family members would be.
This is where I can comment about my general statement you see in the right column of this page. I don't take the title "director" in funeral director too much to heart. I want to be a funeral "guide" helping people down a path they don't want to take to make certain they come out at the end of the trip in a place as good as we can possibly get it . . . together. Thankfully, people don't have to plan and organize all of the intricate details for funerals every day. That's where we as funeral service professionals come in.
Yes, the job can be emotionally draining but when the services are completed and I get a hug along with a "thank you" from the family....to me, that's what makes it all worth it. That's better than a paycheck to me but please don't tell my boss. ;-)
True, we get hardened somewhat to varying degrees. True, we are layers apart from the families we are working with dealing with the death of their loved one whom they have known and been close with since conception through several decades. I never pretend to know what the family is dealing with or feeling. I am not in their shoes. I don't know and to simply supply mouth service here, I feel, is a disservice to the family. I did not have that relationship with the person who died.
Still, being an active listener, connecting with my families (yes I refer to families I meet with and handle funerals for their loved ones as "my family"), I do become attached. Sometimes I am so touched by stories I share tears with my families. Sometimes I enjoy their stories so much I feel somehow cheated for not having known the deceased prior to their death. And at times I laugh with families sharing humorous stories or anecdotes of their loved one.
There is that layer that remains however which is what allows me to maintain my professionalism and orchestrate and perform the services without being overwhelmed emotionally like true family members would be.
This is where I can comment about my general statement you see in the right column of this page. I don't take the title "director" in funeral director too much to heart. I want to be a funeral "guide" helping people down a path they don't want to take to make certain they come out at the end of the trip in a place as good as we can possibly get it . . . together. Thankfully, people don't have to plan and organize all of the intricate details for funerals every day. That's where we as funeral service professionals come in.
Yes, the job can be emotionally draining but when the services are completed and I get a hug along with a "thank you" from the family....to me, that's what makes it all worth it. That's better than a paycheck to me but please don't tell my boss. ;-)
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
TAPS....beautiful taps
Whether you are in the military, were in the military, knew a 2nd cousin's mother's half-step brother that was in the military or none of the above, I think everyone will agree that the music of TAPS evokes deep emotions.
Here is a video I would like to share with you that a dear friend of mine just recently shared with me.. Let me set it up for you:
The conductor of the orchestra is Andre Rieu from Holland. The young lady, her trumpet and her rendition of TAPS will make your hair stand on end.
Many may have never heard taps played in its entirety, for all the men and women that have died for our freedom. This is an opportunity you won't want to miss and I guarantee you'll never forget.
Melissa Venema, age 13 in this video, is the trumpet soloist and is also from Holland.
Here is TAPS played in its entirety. The original version of TAPS was called the Last Post, and was written by Daniel Butterfield in 1861. IT was rather lengthy and formal, as you will hear in this clip. As a result, in 1862, it was shortened to 24 notes and re-named "Taps".
(The soloist is playing it on a trumpet however this piece was written to be played on a bugle)
Follow this link:
http://www.flixxy.com/trumpet-solo-melissa-venema.htm#.UZ1k8LU4SSo
Here is a video I would like to share with you that a dear friend of mine just recently shared with me.. Let me set it up for you:
The conductor of the orchestra is Andre Rieu from Holland. The young lady, her trumpet and her rendition of TAPS will make your hair stand on end.
Many may have never heard taps played in its entirety, for all the men and women that have died for our freedom. This is an opportunity you won't want to miss and I guarantee you'll never forget.
Melissa Venema, age 13 in this video, is the trumpet soloist and is also from Holland.
Here is TAPS played in its entirety. The original version of TAPS was called the Last Post, and was written by Daniel Butterfield in 1861. IT was rather lengthy and formal, as you will hear in this clip. As a result, in 1862, it was shortened to 24 notes and re-named "Taps".
(The soloist is playing it on a trumpet however this piece was written to be played on a bugle)
Follow this link:
http://www.flixxy.com/trumpet-solo-melissa-venema.htm#.UZ1k8LU4SSo
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Family owned and operated since ....
Hello again. Sorry it's been so long since I last added to this blog. The general purpose of my starting this blog was to dispel frequent misperceptions in and of the funeral industry. Today's topic? Family owner versus corporate owned funeral homes.
There are pros and cons to both. To think one is better than the next simply due to ownership, I feel, is one of those common misperceptions. Here are some things I've heard along with some of the things I know and/or have feelings about.
Advertisement: "Family owned and operated since ________"
My commentary: All this means is the same family has run it for a particular amount of time. That statement doesn't make it a "good" funeral home any more than the next one in town. I know a family owned and operated store in town (not a funeral home) that many people wonder how it's stayed in business so long because of poor service, lack of modernization and a small variety of selections to purchase.
Comment I have heard in public: " Big corporations mean loss of local jobs".
My commentary: Where I work is corporate owned. It is in the town where I was born and grew up and lived and still live. I worked there when it was "family owned and operated" and now that it is corporate owned. Others I work with are local. Just because corporate headquarters is in Texas doesn't mean they brought in a bunch of "good ole boys" to take over.
Advertisement: "Air conditioned parlors. Ample parking."
My commentary: Really? I don't know of any public meeting place that isn't air conditioned anymore. Move on and start discussing what you do to serve your client families. That is not a divide between family owned and corporate owned.
How about discussing what you have to offer to families that is unique, special, an offering that you have that others do not have?
Don't get me wrong. There are pro's and con's to both private and corporate ownership. What the smart consumer needs to do is shop, compare and go where they feel comfortable. Of course in this industry, that is best served before a death occurs. To those who would simply say they're not going to a funeral home because it is corporate owned my standard answer is then for them not to shop at Wal-Mart, don't eat at McDonalds, buy your gasoline at Mobil, or get home improvement supplies from Home Depot.
Of course I'm not saying not to shop or eat at those places but merely making an analogy for illustrative purposes.
There are pros and cons to both. To think one is better than the next simply due to ownership, I feel, is one of those common misperceptions. Here are some things I've heard along with some of the things I know and/or have feelings about.
Advertisement: "Family owned and operated since ________"
My commentary: All this means is the same family has run it for a particular amount of time. That statement doesn't make it a "good" funeral home any more than the next one in town. I know a family owned and operated store in town (not a funeral home) that many people wonder how it's stayed in business so long because of poor service, lack of modernization and a small variety of selections to purchase.
Comment I have heard in public: " Big corporations mean loss of local jobs".
My commentary: Where I work is corporate owned. It is in the town where I was born and grew up and lived and still live. I worked there when it was "family owned and operated" and now that it is corporate owned. Others I work with are local. Just because corporate headquarters is in Texas doesn't mean they brought in a bunch of "good ole boys" to take over.
Advertisement: "Air conditioned parlors. Ample parking."
My commentary: Really? I don't know of any public meeting place that isn't air conditioned anymore. Move on and start discussing what you do to serve your client families. That is not a divide between family owned and corporate owned.
How about discussing what you have to offer to families that is unique, special, an offering that you have that others do not have?
Don't get me wrong. There are pro's and con's to both private and corporate ownership. What the smart consumer needs to do is shop, compare and go where they feel comfortable. Of course in this industry, that is best served before a death occurs. To those who would simply say they're not going to a funeral home because it is corporate owned my standard answer is then for them not to shop at Wal-Mart, don't eat at McDonalds, buy your gasoline at Mobil, or get home improvement supplies from Home Depot.
Of course I'm not saying not to shop or eat at those places but merely making an analogy for illustrative purposes.
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